I think it's Give and Take

 Lying awake on the fresh green grass
staring into the darkness,

I close my eyes to drift away,

away from this world
from everyone's hold.
But whats pulling me back is a sound

pounding in my ear, growing loud.

i wish i could write further but then this is no poem, no dream world, no story of tryin to break free. It's what is happening outside my room. Sometimes, yes sometimes i wish to be alone and drift away to a land of dreams with soothing sleep and no worries to bother me. But alas the universe plots a different scenario. Weird dreams to wake me up or loud annoying music to never let me sleep in the first place (like right now). How can the city that slept at 9 all year suddenly get get so loud and irritating?

i think its for all those times that i criticized the place and made fun of the people, their language and how out of place i felt. i think i can even hear them whispering in the most evil way 'hey lets celebrate, its "let purneetha not have peace and quiet" day.' 

And i cant actually believe i'm writing a blog post about it but then i can basically talk a lot so why even a thought.

To getting back what we gave to world, an irritated, sleep deprived me..!!

The Storm inside my Soul

This time around the year i get into my thinking spree. I try to see what changed me in one full year, to reach my birthday again. And eventful doesn't quiet describe whats been happening with me for quiet sometime. Some might call it over reacting and over thinking but then that's not how i see it. initially it did feel "drowning in Low Tide" but then never has the thought to change the things that describe me occur so frequently.

If i say something it hurts people, if i don't either everyone pokes me till the former happens or i bottle it up to later physically hurt "some specific people".
I used to love how could say everything that crossed my mind. For me thinking before speaking was a waste (why electrocute my brain cells for the major part of the day). And never ever had anyone around me objected to that (may be they liked it too). At least they didn't let their ego get in the way but shot back instantly. Any which way i was comfortable with that. But its not the same, actually nothing for the past 6 months has been.

I tried to gel with the "girls", sorry not my piece of cake. Tried being polite to people who annoyed me, didn't work either. Tried thinking before talking but then my words per minute frequency hit an all time low. So then i again went back to "I'm awesome" but stumbled again.

Then I have this violent streak in me but never had it channeled through my actions than in the recent past, it was just verbal. Though i can't be proud of that either, but it has been surfacing a lot. And i really don't like it. Is it because I'm trying not to say everything or is it idiopathic (ya check the dictionary)?
I don't want to say i regret what happened because my pride comes in the way (there are just 2 things that i regret doing in life, so that's why) but then i really want to go back in time to change how certain situations turned out.

Yes, my over thinking has been happening a lot lately. May be its a part of growing up because may be, and just may be people start taking everything seriously.(But half the time I'm intentionally and the other half being unintentionally ignored, so when do people mind what i say?)

Anyways, both these things make me end up not hearing what the other person has to say, instantly coming up with some shit to answer back with and then getting angry because lets face it who wants to be wrong, or even accept if they were.

Yes i have answers which say i need to change, if not everything, some aspects. Being wrong but being politically correct is acceptable i guess. But the thought of wanting to  tamp with the perfect is creating a problem.

Okay the last sentence was a joke just to lighten it up. I cant be saying I'm perfect in the same post where I'm letting out how being me completely hurts people around me and then in turn me (in more than a 1000 or 750 words).
I am hesitant, a lot. Letting go of things that i think describe me is obviously difficult. That's what is making it harder than it seems, losing MYSELF.

Waiting to be untangled, a 20 year old Me :)

Low tide

Left the shore long ago,
rising with the waves
Don't remember when i changed course
but i surely did, i know.

Surviving through storms and rains
my ship had sailed through.
sailors there were many
but the captain, who?

Some became sea sick
And chose to stay behind.
Others had a different destination
And got lost, nowhere to find.

Days together in the ocean
life seemed like the ideal plot
the perfect place, free from the world
the sailors left were the perfect lot.

i thought i could see things through
but i had created a bubble.
the clouds circled around,
Everything was so subtle

But then suddenly lightening struck
All across the sky
Bewildered was everyone
i thought of just one thing, me why??

The days became dusty dry
without the sun's shining smile
Or the ocean's clear laughter
it was just raging rains, don't know what it was after.

Dropping the anchors wasn't a help
the steering i tried to glide
like always i was the creator of my storm
what a shame, i was drowning in low tide.

Puzzled Life

Out of the box

Scattered on the floor

The little kid jumbles the pieces

And runs out the door.

A game for him

But what about the blocks

Innocence of the kid,

Adulthood mocks.

The morning grass is waiting

To wet your feet with dew

To make you feel

As the day, New.

But the bare feet are lost

In the race up to the top

Everyone is dancing to a tune

Till dead they drop.

Pulling and pushing

That's just the way

Drowning in money

Is how they want to stay.

Signs and signatures

Authenticating documents
mercury levels rise

but, Alas, no amendments.

The pieces still lie

Will the puzzle ever be solved

Or like life

It'll unjumble on its fall.

My bouquet of Friends

Fourteen years of school (or more preferably Pre College). Period. I’m not going to be quote clichés saying I remember how on the first day I couldn’t stop crying because I didn’t want to go and shit like that because I most certainly don’t remember my first day of school And I’m sure most of us don’t. It’s not the classy building, not the reputation of school or the teachers (no, not even the weirdest) BUT the most silly, foolish, random, hyper active, weird, freaky, retarded bunch of friends that make us want to relive those days...

It’s been two years since I left school. Though the first year I just thought I was on a vacation till it hit me, when I joined college. There is nothing that I can probably complain about my college life. I live, I laugh, I enjoy, I lie, and I fool around, sleep in class and obviously even bunk. It’s awesome. But when I’m at college (I’m sorry, I’m guilty) I don’t even think about those flowers that I picked in school, the best thing that ever happened to my life- my buddies, my friends, my chums. The smile that settles on my face when I see a familiar name on the phone’s screen is indescribable. And despite the fact that I can go on talking for hours together when you call, I hardly take the initiative.

I have no clue why.

I picked some friends when I was so little I could hardly even spell the word, some when I started having secrets, when I got into that AWKWARD stage of my life, when I needed a hand, a shoulder And when I needed someone to walk along. All of them left a mark, even those that went wrong. And there certainly were “friendships gained and lost” each year but there are some who surprisingly still chose to bear with me. I am glad that they did because the world would have been a shitty place without them.

I know none of you listens to me after a point and my shouting doesn’t help either. I know my uncontrollable bouts of laughter after my own poorest of jokes makes you go “face palm” and that super detailing of stories that I do is annoying too. But i also know that you’re going to miss all that nonsense the moment you realize that 6 months is a long time. That’s what’s been on my mind since the time it struck me (At around 7PM today), watching a bunch of the amazing people drive away.

I hope i faked my smile well while saying goodbye because I sure as hell haven’t been able to put one back since.

A gift From a friend

Here's something different that i wanna share. The title being ironic for the day because what i got today was in no way a gift.

But anyways getting back where i was. There is loads of stuff on this blog that has been a Broth of my own Brain but this post, this poem is FOR me. Atleast when it started it was. Though the "poet", after editing it and making it a hell lot more awesome still claims it is, i find it hard to believe. It started as nonsense as usual but you would be surprised what "my" company and 4 continuous hours of MBBS lectures can bring out in somebody.

(And hulloo "one track mind"ers its NOT by my boy friend..!!)

with lots and lots of thanks here is a post publically showing my appreciation

The Girl Sitting Beside Me

Like a flower blooming in every season

She rejoices, the scent of air is enough a reason

Like the forever lush green grass, she never withers

Along with her even through the narrowest path, happiness slithers

Being filled with light, no scars shall sear

She dances with delight at the tunes only she can hear

Her own distinct nest of joy and bliss she weaves

Oh can’t you see her trying to catch the flying golden leaves!

Without wings, she is flying, wavering among the happy clouds

Lightening up every moment she lives

Falling freely in an abyss of contentment

She is thoughtless about past and future-

The girl sitting beside me…

Extraordinarily weaved into words by
Sankalp Katara

AND
proudly presented,

Revalation

The pebbled path

Had lead me to the street

Uneven and sharp stoned

But i still didn't feel a thing

under my two bleeding feet.

I kept on walking

Unsure of the choices i had made

Blazing lights moved towards me,

my eyes they glared

But about death, little i cared.

Questions filled my mind

Thoughts, i tried to consolidate

Was this how it was meant to be

Or was i playing with fate?

Who was i pretending to be

To please whom and with what intent

Why did i have to be

Someone else other than me

How could it make me content?

What was it that i was running after

Or was i running away?

Was i to be the ocean,

Deep, serene and blue

Or be the sky that was casting its hue?

Pondered on my reflection,

It finally dawned upon me

How from my mind i let it flee

6 billion people in the world

And He sent me just to be ME.

Time to Change The Calender

In 2010 i saw myself cross roads of repentance, frustration, hard work, the joy of achieving my goal, fun and ultimately freedom. All this made me a new person all together. And even though i sometimes miss those days, i certainly don't want to go back there because I wanna move ahead.

30th Dec '10 made me wonder what actually would be new in just two days.The Sun would rise in the same way, the birds would chirp in the same tone, the sky would be of the same colour and all the people would just be the same. So why the hype?

And 31st just made me want to go out and have fun on the last day of the year (which is totally opposite to what i felt 24hrs ago). All these years i had always wanted to go out and party but ended up being stuck up so the clock striking 12 on the 31st had made no difference to me. This year too i knew nothing out of the ordinary would happen (though in my mind i was praying it does) leaving me to wonder the importance of the 1st of January.

For everyone individually the new year begins on their birthday, therefore technically the new year begins on a different day for everyone. Okay I understand that for universal unambiguity somebody chose to fix the dates. But why 1st of Jan to be the beginning? It could have been any random day. 1st Jan doesn't even make sense. A new season does not begin, the Earth isn't the farthest or the nearest to the sun that day, the moon isn't lined in a particular way, or any of that so why chose this?

The Hindu calender in this context makes sense because the new year starts with the start of spring, which marks the beginning of new life with the sprouting of seeds. Also its based on the "lunisolar" activities so the makers definitely put some though into it.

The English calender also doesn't account for the extra 0.25 day occurring every year. Why divide the months and weeks of the year in such a way that you have to make up with a leap year after every 3 normal ones?

The Hindu calender system too doesn't have a perfect 365 day year. And it bothers me that if a universal system has to be followed why not make it flawless? Why rectify after every 3 years?? or add a full month after every 32.5 (even that's not a round figure) lunar months??

If anyone knows logical explanations please tell me because all this seems wrong to me.

Anyways a Happy new year (cliche.. my new year started 2months ago) from "the still puzzled and resolution-less this time" Me