Perplexed

Standing at a crossroad we all call life

I wondering why there’s so much to strive

my head was spinning

but the thoughts weren’t winning

was trying to justify what a life I was living.

the left seemed to guide me right

but the right was wrong

what the hell was I thinking

was the question All along.

What I had was wonderful

But I thought it was just a handful

Did I really want more?

Or should this be the last score

I left my heart to explore.

Felt like i was walking on a balancing beam

Does it have to be as difficult as it always seems

Surprisingly, the answer was staring right at me

But like its meant to be,

The beauty of what you have, you never see.

The underappreciated Best friend

I'm tired of being the one you can fall back upon
Tired of being your 'sweety pie'
It pains me that you forget
There are times when even i want to cry.

I'm tired of acting silly
Just to make you smile
How can you not see
Even i need that once in a while.

I made you stand, gave you a shoulder
But why do i have to do it
All by myself when i fall
And when i find my boulder

So i wish to be all alone, even when i'm down
But i fake a smile, i don't bring up the subject
I make my life frown
Just so that yours can be perfect.

After another free trip round the sun..

After another free trip round the sun i haven't been taller, prettier, goofier or any of that but it sure made me "new and improved" in some ways (okay improved might be a little over the top).

Another year went by and i was thrown into different situations. I tried analyzing people, their reaction, my reaction and what could have been my reaction if i were someone else in the given situation. And it made me realize that though the cover to every book is different the "moral of the story" generally remains the same.

Everyone and i mean EVERYONE lives inside their own bubble of comfort. I know its hard to burst it and come out into THE WORLD, but much sooner than later that will happen. They bitch, they plot, they gossip just to get around the corner. Just to remain in their comfort zone and be in the good books of others makes them forget "what goes around, comes back around".

so WHAT I LEARNT is a large number of people fall into this category and i don't need to give a shit about them.

People show off and pretend to be something they are not. Being cool has always been the in thing but WHAT I LEARNT is you're the coolest when you are YOU.

Everything may not be happening for a reason but everything sure is done for a reason, and that reason is self satisfaction. Your intentions may not be bad, you may even be involved in a charitable cause but all acts ultimately come down to be Selfish (YES they do)

WHAT I LEARNT, don't sweat. Even if you make somebody smile, it makes you happy about spreading a smile (so you are doing it for YOURSELF=selfish..creepy)

The 'pleasing personality people' though give their best but are always at a loss. They go against the English alphabet and put 'U' before 'I'. Ultimately the forces of nature show them whose the boss and they remain shattered (been there, done that).

WHAT I LEARNT, not every seed you sow becomes a tree. Neither does every tree give back the sweetest fruit. So put a limit AND respect the Alphabet!

And lastly (quiet literally too because i realized this minutes after i turner 19, so its the most recent) 'you can't play all broken strings, you can't feel anything that your heart don't wanna feel'. Simply saying you can actually fool your mind to believe what you want to believe. Its you who decides if you're happy or sad or angry or irritated. All these emotions have their own space in life and ALL are a state of mind.

So WHAT I LEARNT is that I'm going to chose to be "happpiiieeee" till the time my limbic system supports me!!

cheers, I'm 19 and I evolve!!

The way you Look at it

I close my eyes and all that i see

is everything's black

in front of me.

I wanna cry out but words fail me

I have no choice but

Alone to be

Hoping its a dream, That'll just be a memory,

An when i see you

I know theres a rainbow waiting Just for me :)

my new life

Crouching undercover

Was nurtured from the start

Pampered all along

All that was uttered, considered a Song

Was left on the open road

Had nothing to lean on to

tried finding a safer place,

Even tried solving the life's maze.

But i refused to be agile,

Because its hard to let go.

Cant get the mind to fight

Even a plant grows towards sunlight.

Brain waves in Collg

1. you can do bettetr dan dis, Dont stoop so low

2. Time heals All

3. Sniggi n puni sat on a wall

4. Knowledge of fountain

5. Purneetha n sagar have "high entropy"

6. Erythro Longus ;)

7. Palki Dewan is a Pendrive in short

8.Read between the lines

9. Till it dsnt go into your mastak, dnt put it into ur pustak

10. A lecture shud b lyk a mini skirt, long enuff to cover the essentials and short enuff to keep the interest going.

11.boys read carefully its "memory" nd not MAMMARY

12. 3rd yr mein myoPIA hypermetroPIA daru PIA beedi PIA

13. y u laughin, your married?? :p

It Hurts

It’s strange how one game can make you feel inferior and unwanted. Yes it hurt when forgot to call because of a GAME. It hurts every fourth day when all the memories we shared appear as if they are suddenly forgotten by him. I don’t know if its some kind of hypnosis or charm that they have over him that makes him even forget the letters that spell my name. It hurts when he’s capable of spending almost 3 X 86400 seconds of his life with them but struggles to even spend 7 X 7200 seconds with me every week. I know I’m more important but I fail to understand his way of expressing it. It’s no use thinking about it until I’m able to make him step into my shoes. But I never want him to step into my shoes, because it sure as hell pains.

[Loads of thoughts changed once I talked to him and tried understanding his condition. But the truth is I can runaway from the world but I can’t run away from myself. So I’m being honest as this is what went through my mind that very moment.]

"Puni" is..

i received a message which had a few columns that i had to fill out which would then tell the person what i feel about him. it was pretty sweet and i forwarded it to a bunch of my friends. i got the most adorable and lovely replies. Just to make sure i dont lose them i want to write them.

Here goes:

"puni" is

Ichik:

incomplete without: Ur specs!

Perfect if: U eat non veg! hehe

Best paired with: Ur bf!

Better without: Books!

Nice when: U open ur hair!

Stupid when: When you cry or shout!

Pandit: (anubhav)

incomplete without: Harshu boy!

Perfect if: Taller!

Best paired with: Firas!

Better without: her intelligent mind (i luv u whn u act silly evn though ur not)

Nice when: Speakng on the phn

Stupid when: She defies her high IQ sumtymes wid silly actions

Nilay:

incomplete without: Sulking

Perfect if: Stays the same

Best paired with: Jhaboy. BIg tym..!!

Better without: Books

Nice when: you are nice to her

Stupid when: she is awake

Harshay:

incomplete without: Smile

Perfect if: Slimmer

Best paired with: Animesh kishore d nly person of ur height ;p, obviously ME

Better without: *******

Nice when: Tharki

Stupid when: Being possesive

Assy:

incomplete without: Her loved ones

Perfect if: stays the same

Best paired with: Me..!!

Better without: ppl who dnt c wht she's wrth

Nice when: isnt dealing with reecal or manasi

Stupid when: !! i thot u admitted u alwz are !!

Chakshu:

incomplete without: Smile

Perfect if: a bit taller

Best paired with: Evry1 i know

Better without: Tears

Nice when: wid me.. dunno abt others

Stupid : Always

Firas:

incomplete without : Your laughter

Perfect if: you have more balls

Best paired with: the 4 of us

Better without: The 3 of us

Nice when: Aways to me

Stupid : ALWAYS..!!

i hope all of 'em love me forever as much as..!!

happie happie happie..!!

Trapped

Exactly 365 days ago i had been sitting in the exact same position, bending my back with my head into a class 12 textbook. Printed pages that were supposed to give me a better future.

Three hundred and sixty five days ago i had never thought that I'd be doing all that again.

I've had TIME to carefully look at my mistakes and make sure that i don't repeat them, but this time seems more than enough. i realize I've just got a few more weeks to slog and after that a better life would await me (HOPEFULLY). But FRUSTRATION has set in. I'm tired of it all. This is all Ive been doing for the past 1 year and i SO want to take a break. Lie down with no thoughts of remaining syllabus. Watching movies guilt free. Hanging out with the people who who have been cursing me for not spending time with them. Reading novels. Playing games all day. Just wasting my time.. huh i wish

Its true the last few steps to the goal are the hardest...

All i want is a smile

I hate your brown eyes pour down tears

i dont like it when they fail to shine,

Sometimes it all gets so sour

But trust me it'll be fine.

Even when the night gets dark

Be sure the sun will always rise,

Dont let your lips invert

Because a frown is what i despise.

Don't hide your grief from me

I'll help you send it to exile,

I'll be your joker whenever you say

Because all i want is a smile :)

For a Budding Soul

She's a little bud,

She's goin to flower

Although its hard to know yet,

But I'm sure she's going to be a star.

Her mind's full of questions,

So many things to solve

But all that she can hope,

Is for her mind to evolve.

She doesn't know if it's right,

But quickly changes direction

As she wants to appear cool

even at the slightest interaction.

She'll blossom someday

And then understand,

A castle's a castle

even if its in the sand.

Belonging

You say you would, but in my heart i know you would'nt

Even you cant stay away, But you've got so much to do,

i keep waiting endlessly but there is nothing that i can see,

i secretly wish you could just belong to me..

the feelin of owning something is just so great.. but sadly its just an illusion..

there is always something more supreme than you which actually owns what you think belongs to you. and when the moment of realization comes, it strikes you hard and leaves you shattered.. sometimes making you wish altogether that you never owned it.. just to save yourself the pain..

But the ultimate feeling, when it all that belongs to you comes back, because of your patience and determination is the greatest of all.. So dont be afraid of owning something just because you dont want to Lose it..

Happy new year

i dont know if i reely mean to add that "happy" cz frm the frst moment dt d clock struck 12 on 1st jan my lips did not form a smile til i guess 7 in the morning.. so it wasnt happy but aftr i left home (ya to my dismay too i was home on new years eve.. chhe chee chee) everything chnged..

or may be not.. coz here i am sittin a week aftr 2010 strted and wht i feel is that it dsnt even feel like the new year.. it doest have anything new to it.. everything so monotonous and mundane..

and on top of that i even fever for the past 2 days..

So no commnts on that "happy" part.. but i guess its not the same for every one else..

p.s. my new year resolution is not to prick my pimples (totally weird.. am i even in my senses??)

cheers.. here's to my totally lame first post of 2010!!